How to Listen to Your Gut Instead of Following Bad Advice
I learned the hard way
Life wasn’t going as planned.
I had followed the rules, gone to college, and graduated with a business degree. After graduation, I worked hard and established a small accounting business of my very own. I liked the flexibility of setting my own hours and the work appealed to my need for order.
Then I fell in love and got married. We were good at first, but when the babies came, family life wasn’t good enough for him anymore. He had no patience with them and even less patience for me.
Things got so much worse (that’s another story) until at the not so wise old age of 34, I was a single mom of two boys under three years old.
I struggled to pay the bills, working out of our home at night so that I could take care of the boys during the day. When they were old enough to go to school I realized I had a chance to change the direction of my life.
The book: “What Color is Your Parachute” by Richard Nelson Bolles, is a popular manual for job seekers and career changers.
It promised to help me figure out my purpose in life. I went to the library and borrowed a copy. Then I spent the next few weeks working through the exercises.
Here are a few of the basic steps. Note that this book is constantly being revised. For example, when I used it, there was no discussion of anything to do with social media.
Self-Assessment:
Bolles emphasizes the importance of understanding yourself, including your skills, interests, values, and personality. Self-discovery is a crucial first step in finding a fulfilling career.
2. Skills and Abilities:
Identify your transferable skills and core competencies. Consider what you enjoy doing and where your strengths lie.
3. Interests and Passions:
Explore your interests and passions to uncover potential career paths that align with your personal preferences.
4. Values:
Clarify your values and what is important to you in a work environment. Understanding your values can help you find a job that aligns with your principles.
The next few steps cover career goal setting, researching occupations, networking, and job-hunting techniques, including online work.
I focused on the first four steps because I wanted to figure out a new direction to take. I thought they might reveal some new ideas.
I discovered some interesting things about myself in the process.
I enjoyed being outside.
I liked math.
I loved gardening.
I had always felt this way, but never considered any of these as career options. Science fascinated me and I was interested in insects and forest systems.
I wondered if landscaping might be a good fit or permaculture. I was willing to consider a completely different direction from the path I was walking down. I also had all the business skills I needed if I wanted to start something on my own, so there were tons of options.
The next day, I went to the local college and met with an advisor.
With excitement, I told her what I had discovered about myself and gave her some of the ideas I had from doing the exercises in the book. She asked me a few questions about my current situation and made some notes.
She leaned back and folded her hands on her desk. “May I be frank with you?”
“Of course.”
I was excited to hear her ideas and wondered what new direction she was going to recommend. I was also a bit uncomfortable with how serious she looked.
“Most people who come in here have no skills and no job prospects. You’ve already got a degree and experience working in accounting. It’s a good career. People will always need their taxes done. You’d be crazy to change at this point in your life.”
“Stick with what you’re already doing.”
I was dumbfounded. I had been so inspired and excited to embark on a new path, and she was shutting me down.
“You mean, I shouldn’t think about going back to college? I shouldn’t try something new, even if I want to?”
“Yes,” she said. “I wouldn’t do it. It would be a lot of work and you don’t have a clear idea where you’re going with it.”
That night I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned, trying to settle down but nothing worked. Finally, I got up and went to sit in my thinking chair, the one in the corner of the living room.
I folded my feet up under my housecoat, looking out the window. The garden beckoned in the moonlight, shadows, and light playing tricks with my eyes. I was sure the flowers were calling me.
I remembered when we planted them. The boys had fun digging in the dirt, poking tiny seeds in the holes with their stubby fingers. I loved that they were learning about gardening. I realized how much I wanted them to explore everything. I wanted them to be happy with their choices, whatever they were.
Then I thought about the counselor's words.
“You’d be crazy to change at this point in your life.” It hit me. I already had a good career. It might not be my first choice, but it was mine and it paid the bills.
Later that week I dropped the book off at the library. As I slid it into the return slot, I could feel my dreams slipping away.
In the end, I settled for safety. I settled for a job that I didn’t like very much. I settled for the security and the benefits. It let me raise my boys and pay my bills but I was never excited to go to work each day.
“Mom,” said my oldest son Mark, when he was fourteen. They were having career day at school and he had to write an essay. “Do you like your job? How am I supposed to know what I want to do? How did you choose?”
“You follow your heart,” I said. “Don’t let anyone stop you from trying new things. It might not be the right thing in the end, but if you keep following your heart, it will lead you to something that you love.”
Looking back, I wish that’s what I had done.
How to Listen to Your Gut Instead of Following Bad Advice was originally published in Writers’ Blokke on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.