Robber Barons: Squeegee and Carlybob
Truck hunting with a shotgun was a Sunday activity
Getting rid of the party tenants was a huge relief.
We took our time cleaning up the Dragon House so it was ready to show to the next potential renters. Having a month off was a welcome break, even though we had dip into savings to cover the mortgage.
We needed the break.
After the crazy person, the tramp, and the thief, we were exhausted. Choosing the right tenants was an eye-opening experience. We realized being a landlord looked easier on paper than it was in real life. We were learning a lot, but it was exhausting.
Paid subscribers can access the entire archive of my stories from the beginning, along with my poetry and every article I’ve ever written here. If you aren’t a paid subscriber, you can access the archive for free with a 7-day trial.
Here’s what we learned:
The initial tenant interview was the best way to eliminate a shitty tenant. So we gave ourselves a pep talk before we looked at the next round of applicants.
We had a bad habit of second-guessing ourselves. And we kept trying to be ‘nice’, which was getting us into trouble.
We had no idea how to choose when we had two equal-seeming applicants. So we decided to try a ‘first past the post’ technique.
We would rent to the person who qualified first.
No emotions, no second-guessing.
We put a new ad in the paper. One by one I went through our list, checked references, and when a couple met the requirements — I rented it to them.
They were the quirkiest couple yet.
Everyone who grew up in Cumberland back in the day had a nickname.
His was Squeegee. Seriously.
Hers was Carlybob.
They were older, somewhere in their late fifties. He was a retired logger with a steady disability cheque and she was planning to stay at home to take care of them both.
At first glance, they didn’t seem like the ideal tenants. But they turned out to be the best we’d had so far. They always paid on time, and they loved the house.
He was handy and could do minor repairs around the place. She was an avid gardener. Soon the dragon sculpture in the backyard was surrounded by beautiful flower beds. They never complained and told us they wanted to live there forever.
As time went on we discovered they had some unique habits.
One of their weekend pastimes was to go out early in the morning and do some truck hunting. While drinking. And driving their truck.
They would drive out into the country with a bottle of whiskey and shoot pheasants (or rabbits) with the gun hanging out of the truck window. Very early in the morning. Did I mention they were drinking?
They didn’t fight often, but when they did, they were spectacular.
The neighbor told us about the time she chased him outside waving a frying pan in her hand.
Another time she threw all of his belongings out of the second-story window. He stayed at a friend’s for a few days and when he came home, they kissed and made up.
Sometimes she would move out. Then we had a tenant who spent his time lying around on the couch, drinking and trashing the place. She would eventually return and things would go back to normal.
In the end, she left him for good. He didn’t want to stay without her so he gave his notice. That was okay, except for the junk they left behind.
We had to rent a dumpster to take it all away.
Lesson learned: When you rent to a couple, they might split up. You might not want to keep the one that gets left behind.
Next up: More is not always better. Sometimes more is just… more.
This is a fictional series that explores the challenges of being a landlord. It also reveals the idiosyncrasies of various tenants. Some of the scenes are based on true experiences.
Paid subscribers can access the entire archive of my stories from the beginning, along with my poetry and every article I’ve ever written here. If you aren’t a paid subscriber, you can access the archive for free with a 7-day trial.
Here in Canada, "squeegee" is a term for people who try to clean the windshield of your car without your asking them to, usually when you are stuck in traffic, and want you to pay them for it. I'm not sure if Squeegee earned that nickname for doing that to supplement his disability income, but it's a theory....